Okay, it’s time to have a chat with myself. And no, this isn’t one of those “I’m going to be better in the new year” speeches. It’s a realisation. A painful, embarrassing, “how have I managed to get to this point in life?” kind of realisation.
I have zero idea how to say no.
If saying “no” were a talent, I’d be the person at the talent show who trips over the microphone cord, spills their drink on the judge, and then does an impromptu dance to cover it up. Spoiler alert: I’m not winning any awards here.
I say “yes” to everything. “Can you help me with this?” Sure, I’ve got nothing better to do than drop everything for you. “Want to take on another project?” Of course! I’m just sitting around waiting for things to add more stress to my life. “Could you maybe squeeze in one more favour?” Absolutely! Why not, I’ve got an endless supply of time and energy, right?
And why do I do this? Because deep down I have this ridiculous, ingrained fear that if I don’t help, the world will somehow end. People will think I’m selfish. I’ll be the villain in someone’s mental soap opera, and honestly, that’s just too much to handle. So, I smile, I say “yes,” and I go on my merry way, slowly but surely turning into a stressed-out human spaghetti noodle trying to hold it all together.
But here’s the kicker: When I say yes to everything, I end up saying no to myself. No to sleep. No to sanity. No to the simple pleasure of doing absolutely nothing for an afternoon.
So, after much soul-searching (and probably some chocolate therapy), I’ve realised that learning to say no is not just okay, it’s necessary. It’s like having a fire extinguisher in your house: you don’t use it every day, but when the house is on fire (metaphorically), it’s extremely helpful.
Now, I’m not saying I’ve perfected it—yet. I still get all nervous when I have to turn someone down and end up giving a 45-minute explanation that nobody asked for. But I’m getting there. And the next time someone hits me with a “Hey, can you just…?” I’m going to pause, channel my inner superhero, and say:
No. Not today, Satan.
(And then probably spend the next 12 hours second-guessing myself, but that’s a whole other issue.)
If you’re like me—someone who says yes more than they should—take this as your reminder: It’s okay to say no. You’re not a bad person. You’re just someone who values their time, their peace, and their ability to not lose their mind. And if anyone gives you grief, just smile and tell them, “Sorry, I’m busy… looking after me.”