I’ve been circling this truth for a long time, and it’s time to stop pretending I don’t see it.
If I want any chance of returning to some form of normality — and I mean real, functioning, genuinely present normality — I need to stop drinking. Not cut back. Not “try to be better.” Not “only on weekends.” I mean stop.
The thing about alcohol is that it sneaks in quietly, like it’s offering you relief, a break, a buffer. And at first, maybe it is. But slowly, subtly, it starts robbing you — of time, of peace, of clarity, of motivation, of sleep, of memory, of connection. You end up giving so much of yourself away just to maintain the illusion that you’re still in control.
I’m not writing this from some dramatic rock-bottom place, but from a tired, weary middle-ground where you realise you’re not living well. Not thriving. Just coping. And frankly, that’s not enough anymore.
I’ve noticed how drinking warps my reality. It numbs the lows, sure — but it dulls the highs too. It flattens everything. The joy, the creativity, the spontaneity. It disconnects me from the people I love and the work I care about. It feeds anxiety. It deepens sadness. It delays healing.
And I’ve had enough.
This isn’t a vow wrapped in guilt or some performative declaration. It’s just a line in the sand. I need to stop drinking because I owe it to myself. I owe it to the version of me that wants better. That remembers what clear-headed mornings feel like. That craves purpose and presence, not fog and fatigue.
This will be hard. I’m under no illusion about that. But what’s harder is living life half-switched-on. Losing days to hangovers. Apologising to yourself. Making excuses. Falling short of your own potential again and again because the bottle keeps calling the shots.
I want my life back. All of it. The tough bits, the joyful bits, the awkward, beautiful, boring bits. I want to be there for it. Really there.
So, here’s the truth: if I want normality — actual, sustainable, human normality — the drink has to go. Not because I’m weak, but because I’m finally strong enough to say I want more.