You know that feeling when you get a room done up—fresh paint, sleek new furniture, a place that finally feels like it could be on a Pinterest board or one of those “before and after” shows? That was me last year. I had my living room completely redecorated. New furniture. Clean lines. A blank canvas for a new chapter. I stood in the doorway afterward and thought, Right. This is it. Fresh start. Sorted.
Except… fast forward to now, and honestly? I can barely keep the place clean. The new sofa’s somewhere under a mound of clothes. The shelves are dusty. And the carpet looks like it’s quietly plotting against me. Again.
The thing is, depression doesn’t care how many scatter cushions you’ve bought. It doesn’t care if your place was in a magazine-ready state six months ago. It sneaks in and steals your energy, your motivation, your ability to care about whether the coffee table is clean or if there are three empty mugs gathering like a tea-stained support group.
I want to keep on top of it. I really do. I look around and think, This isn’t me. I love this space. I spent time and money creating it. But then the fog rolls in. That heaviness. That voice that says, What’s the point? You’ll just have to do it again tomorrow. Leave it for now.
And so I do. And the “now” turns into a week. Then two.
It’s not laziness. Let me say that again for the people at the back with the judgment: It’s not laziness. It’s depression. It’s a brain that’s busy trying to function on the basics—getting up, showing up, staying afloat—so housework slips down the list until it falls right off.
Some days I win. I do the dishes, I hoover, I light a candle and sit back like a domestic god. Other days, I don’t. And I’m learning (slowly) that both are okay.
So if you’re in the same boat—sitting on the same messy sofa, overwhelmed by the state of things and feeling like a failure—you’re not alone. You’re not a mess. You’re just dealing with more than most people can see.
One day, one drawer, one mug at a time. That’s all I’m aiming for now.
And if you’re wondering: yes, the new furniture is lovely. I just wish I could see more of it.